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July 28 Two sleepsSo two days to go (or 2 sleeps as the kids would say) and I am
beginning to look forward to the 2 weeks away. I just looked at the old
farmouse that we are going to stay in with another family and it looks
fabulous. I'm sure you can imagine me by the pool, glass in one hand,
book in other! The farmouse, about 2 hours south of Barcelona, is about 500 years old and is set in 2 acres of vineyards, almond groves and pinewoods and with a garden containing cherry, orange and apricot trees. The kids are going to love it! Just need a map to plan my early morning running routes...and then back to the pool for the rest of the day.   July 21 Tooth FairyNew 'mother' experience. Jack's first tooth fell out yesterday. So whats the going rate for teeth these days? Do you get a bonus for the first one and all subsequent teeth receive a reduced rate? What happens if you are on holiday and it falls out (more are wobbling as I speak!)? Do you get a foreign fairy leaving Euros or wait to you get home or....? ..and what do you do with the teeth? Presumably the tooth fairy removes them...then what? Do you throw them out, or keep for posterity? They don't teach you these things at school! Research brought to light the fact that Jack's best friend got £2 first tooth and £1 for following teeth so in order to conform (something I hugely desired as a child..my family life was a bit different to the norm) I will go with that. Have to say Palastar2000 wins hands down though for life experiences to be remembered by children. Loved it. July 15 Spring chickensIt is the school holidays and my mother is over from Ireland for a week
to look after Jack. I have to say she is looking great. She has new
clothes (which are actually quite trendy for a nearly 70 year old) and just looks
radiant. She was even out playing tennis with Jack. The
boyfriend is obviously having a major affect on her outlook and life in general. Also her mother, my nana, the kids nana-nana, is over with us as well. I really must get a photo of the four generations. Actually my nana looks great for age as well, so there is hope for me!! So my mother looks after Jack... and I get to pay her phone bill. What DO they talk about for hours and hours? ahhhh...the joys of love 'What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.' ********* So..she has just asked me if I think that she should get married again! Crikey! July 02 Rings and thingsJoss Stone really has the most amazing voice but I can't believe that she thought that Gandalf had organised Live 8. ******** So anyway, Happy Birthday to the wee man! He was not too happy at being beaten by his 4-year old sister at bowling today but I tried to appease him by saying that his technique was sooo much better, if you can call bouncing the ball of both sides of the lane 4 times as opposed to 20 times better. The lawn is being ripped up as we speak as Jack shows us how his new football boots allow to turn quickly. Oh well... its full of weeds anyway. He also got a radio-controlled helicopter. Unfortunately I didn't read the fine print and had to take out a second mortgage to buy the batteries it requires. Decided to go for rechargable batteries. Not only did they cost significantly more than the helicopter itself, they might just be charged up in time for his eighth birthday. And tonight a sleepover. Sleeping pills into the ice-cream then. ******** Talking of Live 8. Four words. Scissor Sisters - Annie Lennox ******** ...and then Robbie (deep sigh...) June 21 Children and other animalsIts quite depressing when you are out running, think you are going quite fast and a wee rabbit shoots out of the hedge, takes one look at you and zooms off down the road, leaving you for dust. How come rabbits are so small yet can run so fast? I'm going to come back in my next life as a rabbit then I can run fast and hump all the time. (although I think it will have to be a male rabbit as I don't want to have zillions of babies) Took the kids out on the bikes to the beach at the weekend. Eddi got very upset because I took a different route home and she didn't get to see the squashed squirrel with all the flies on it a second time. Lovely... Jacks class also happens to be learning about Pets. Yesterday (Monday) in his homework folder I received a note saying 'Holly the Hampster, 9.15, Tuesday'. Yus my lady. Are there no other working mothers that might just appreciate more than a couple of hours notice? As it was I hadn't planned on pushing back any specific scientific boundaries today (and I still feel guilty about the penis incident) so I went to school instead. Luckily Holly didn't bite any of the 26 children who stroked, mauled, poked and dropped her and I managed to get out of the classroom with only two children attached to my body, saying 'Auntie Lisa..please let me come and stay at your house'. I kicked them back in the classroom and told them to bugger off. May 20 Parents EveningWell, got through parents evening for Jack without a single mention of the penis incident. Phew... May 09 You know, I don't like those lights.....It started simply. Replace the 1970's track lighting in the lounge with spot lights (cost 1). This results in 6 nice spots plus about double that number 4 inch circular holes in ceiling (potential yet rejected spot positions). Its a very old house, over 200 years old...difficult the electrician said. This leads to requirement to skim ceiling with plaster to cover previously described holes with additional bonus of replacing rather nasty 1980's artexed ceiling (cost 2). Plasterer arrives to start job. Obviously I vacate premises to luxury of pub across the road (cost 3..but I won't include that as actually it was Friday evening and I would have been there anyway). Plasterer arrives in pub with bad news. Ceiling can't be skimmed as the artex isn't 'bonded'. I buy him a drink (cost 4) (Did I forget to mention that plasterer is a cutie!). Ceiling needs to be removed, plaster boarded and skimmed (cost 2 plus lots extra = cost 5). Interlude: 100 plus year old ceiling comes down with 100 years of dirt, lath and plaster held together with lime and horse hair. Ha...we are there! Uh...no 100 years of dirt from ceiling now all over walls. Requirement to redecorate (cost 6). Oh well, my glass is always half full. I have a lovely flat, de-artexed ceiling (albeit with no holes for any spot lights!) and I have something to fill my time other than blogging (decoration). However more importantly, as the one television we own has been unplugged and stored in another room, the children have been playing together far more, inventing games and running around the house (trailing 100 year old grime throughout). Nice to see. And anyway I would only have spent the money on more underwear and wine...so hey.... May 01 GoosebumpsI took the kids swimming yesterday. The pool was absolutely freezing. This is not so bad, and is in fact preferable, if you want to pound up and down but when doing little more than pretending to be a crocodile the clock hands move very slowly. Fortunately my mind was taken off the goosebumps on my body by my second piece of eye candy for the day. This guy had a range of tattoos on both of his arms and one between the shoulder blades on his back, althought these were not what attracted me to him. He was dark, with a goatee, and in his charge was a severely mentally disabled elderly gentleman. I noticed how the Tattoo Man was very gently splashing the elderly man with water to try and entice him to enter the pool. The Tattoo Man sat patiently on the edge of the pool as the elderly gentleman refused to go in any further than up to his knees.They didn't stay much longer than 20 minutes. The elderly gentleman was getting quite agitated and eventually they left the pool area, the Tattoo Man slowing guiding his charge to a changing room. I watched carefully to see Tattoo Man emerge again, to see what he looked like when clothed but I must have been distracted. He managed to leave the building without me seeing him again. As I thought of how to get warm I remembered back to the year after I left school and before University. I had failed one of my exams and wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do at University, or where I wanted to go. I took a year out, re-took the Math’s A level, and got a job in the local Post Office. I applied to be a postie, sorting and delivering the mail but was told that I couldn't possibly be employed as such as I would distract the other postmen too much. I didn'tt think that was a good reason to reject anyone but nevertheless I was offered an alternative position, behind the counter, selling stamps etc. It’s the only job I ever had that involved severe clock watching. I digress. I was at the Post Office for the best part of a year. Each and every morning that I worked there I used to get up early and go up to my old school. There I met up my old gym teacher and we raced over 80 lengths of the pool. I was 18, he was early 40's. There was never anything sexual between us, he never tried anything, and it didn't seem a weird thing to do at the time. I had my own key to the swimming pool and sometimes if my swimming partner couldn't make it I had the whole pool to myself. On these occasions, I ditched the swimming costume and ploughed up and down naked. As I sat in the freezing pool yesterday, I remembered how good that felt. April 30 Transcription error?Only one thing worse than driving to a children's birthday party at 10:00 on a Saturday morning, 25 miles away, with a hangover headache. That would be getting there and finding the party is tomorrow. Well, at least I won't have a headache tomorrow.
Just checked the calendar. Clearly states Sunday (drat) in my writing (double drat) as party day. I'm such a twat sometimes.
You just have to make the most of situations. The kids and I instead went to the Botanic Gardens in Edinburgh. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The gardens looked fantastic and the kids had a great time squirrel spotting and pigeon chasing. An added bonus was that I got lost going to the party so I had to stop a really handsome traffic warden on a motorbike, clad all in leathers, to ask the way. He gave me a lovely smile. So it wasn't all bad. April 20 Get it out...mateMy fantastic clever little palaeontologist/car mechanic is in trouble today. I had a message from his teacher today saying she ' was aghast at his behaviour'. It transpires that whilst standing in the line to go back into school after playtime, his mate told him to get his penis out. Jack duly complied with the request. His mate then went and told the teacher. I didn't know whether to laugh or be cross. I told him I was disappointed in his behaviour. God, hope he learns to think for himself! Well his penis got a good wash in the bath tonight incase it comes out for another viewing tomorrow (he didn't like that)! April 19 CelicaRun out of screen wash? Can't work out how to open the bonnet?
Ask a 6-year old! How embarrassing... yet reassuring! April 10 Sea MonkeysI was visiting PrairyChicks Henhouse and her post reminded me of our experience with Sea Monkeys. The kids had carefully followed all the instructions, including sterilisation of water, to grow a healthy collection of the little creatures. They feed them everyday and all was well....then I got involved. I decided that the tank was a bit green and needed cleaning out. Sterilisation tablets were all gone..but hey, I was a mother..I knew all about bugs and things from the baby years. Cooled boiled water would be just as good. ....and I had had a cup of tea a few hours ago, so there was water in the kettle I could use. You know where this is going don't you? Yep...I cooked the little buggers too death. Quite quickly each and every one stopped swimming and sank to the bottom. It looked like one strong old boy was going to survive..but within an hour he too has given up the ghost. It really is no wonder that the hamster keeps running away!
April 09 Bad LoserI referred to this in a comment I made last night regarding my son Jack. But in the absence of anything else to write I will expand. So, Jack is a bad loser. I myself am competitive..but not overly so. You won't find me on Sports Day shouting at the top of my voice. I WILL be there watching ..and congratulating on whatever the children achieve. Of course I am proud if they stroll in first place but I'm very much just an observer, watching and smiling at whatever happens. So why is Jack such a bad loser? They have said it at his afterschool club. He just hates losing. Ok..so maybe half an hour after normal bedtime and in possession of one tired boy it is not the best time to give a lesson in life but in my infinite wisdom, I decided that last night was it. We played Trump cards...Supercars. I played *the game* for a little while, you know making shite choices so he won the round. Then I decided to turn up the heat (it was way past bedtime) and win the game. Except I had not anticipated the tears which quickly evolved into near hysterics. I had to lie down in bed with him to calm him down. I suggested to him that surely he would prefer to win on his own merits rather than me letting him win. And indeed I also informed him that that you can not always win, that is Life my Son. I told him that tomorrow I would teach him how to play the game cleverly, to choose all the best attributes of each car and maybe win the game fair and square. Roll forward to 6am this morning. I was woken up and dragged out onto the landing where each and every card was laid out. So we go through each one in turn and I inform Jack of each cars best feature, the ones that if he selects them will give him a good probability of winning. Then we play. Jack is much better at the game and indeed has taken aboard everything I said. Even though I occasionally made duff choices to enable him to win the round. And yes... I let him win. Well he might have won anyway...but I think I had made my point, and he is only 18 years old! (OK..he's 6)! March 09 My dateHa...someone got to my site by searching for 'girlfriends of Prince Andrew'...I think I might be slightly more inclined to meet them that the individual that came via 'nipple noose'. Although now I mention it.... March 08 I want to be rudeJack informed me last night that it is 'Good Manners Week' at school. This was quickly followed up with a question asking when 'Bad Manners Week' would be! February 20 Easy come, easy goI seem to spend my weekends going to childrens parties. On the way to todays jamboree, held at the same venue as the last 4 parties (including my daughters last week) since Christmas, said daughter asked what we giving the birthday girl as a present. I thought carefully about this as I don't want to lie too much to the children but I didn't want to admit that I had infact wrapped up one of the presents that she received last week for her birthday. Well, we already had an old version of the game, I didn't see the point of letting her open it just to have another 50 or so small objects littered around the house and had quietly whisked it away and hid it in a cupboard. I sort of bluffed my way through the questioning with replies of 'it's a surprise present' and 'actually I can't remember'. Lets hope she has forgotten all about the present. I'm feeling comforted by the fact that I must surely only be following where Darlene has already tread. Children get far too many presents these days anyway...when I was a girl.... February 19 Should have been obvious (2)I once went to a conference on Hepatitis C in Vermont. This was particularly attractive as it was nearby a couple of skiing resorts and it seemed sensible to stay for an extra week. My other half, Neil, thought he would like to join me and arranged to fly in on the last day of the conference. On the day of his arrival I woke up, had breakfast and drove the 225 miles from the hotel to the airport. I waited ...and waited until there was no more luggage from the Glasgow flight left. Ummm...I tracked down someone and asked if Neil had been on the flight. They confirmed that he hadn't been on the flight. I must have looked a bit distressed or confused as they informed me that he was however on the list for the next days flight. The 225 miles back to the hotel should have given me time to cool off. It didn't. The following phone call included all the words I had heard durin gmy life but had never used before. It transpired that he had gone to stay will a pal near the airport, that they had gone out for a meal but hadn't drank anything to ensure they got up for the 7:30 flight. HOWEVER, on returning home they cracked open a bottle of whisky and fell asleep at 5:00. He next remembers looking at the bedside clock at 8:15. How he managed to blag his way onto the next days flight I don't know. I think it involved a near death mother-in-law. The next day I again drove the 225 miles to the airport. He was on the plane this time. On route to the ski resort I told him about the new skis and boots that I had bought in New Jersey. Great shop, really cheap. So we detoured and Neil purchased boots and skis too. On arrival back at the hotel Neil realised that his coat with his passport and plane tickets was in the ski shop, 125 miles away. We missed the next mornings skiing to retrieve the misplace items and finally hit the slopes. That evening the two of us, plus two colleagues who also stayed for the skiing went out for a meal to the nearest restaurant about 300 yards away. As it was snowing we drove. The snow came down whilst we ate and Neil was really keen to drive back despite the fact he was the only one not insured to drive. He turned into the drive, 10 yards too early and ended up in a ditch. Luckily a grit lorry came past with a full load and stopped. Unluckily he was a mean bastard and wouldn't give us a shovel of grit as he 'needed it all for the roads'. We finally got the car out of the ditch although I lost my glasses in the efforts. I subsequently married this man! Should have been obviousTwo children + One roll of sellotape = One haircut |
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